


And the Moral of the Story Is...!

by Lisa_Telramor



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Biting, Frottage, Hate Sex, M/M, Trapped In A Closet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:20:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23642227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lisa_Telramor/pseuds/Lisa_Telramor
Summary: Heiji and Saguru can't seem to stop fighting. Kid's solution? Locking them in a closet. Handcuffed together. Naked.
Relationships: Hakuba Saguru/Hattori Heiji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 73





	And the Moral of the Story Is...!

**Author's Note:**

> I have zero recollection of writing this. ._. But it was originally posted to Livejournal August 26, 2010
> 
> Original AN=>  
> AN: Don't ignore Kaito. He likes attention.  
> AAN: My first time writing either of them, so I hope their characters don’t sound forced.

“Outta the way! Kid’s mine ya stuffy Brit!” Hattori Heiji yelled shoving a certain blond haired detective out of his way.

“I believe I have been chasing him far longer than you have,” the Brit in question growled right back. Rather than shoving in a crude manner, he side stepped the other detective to try to get closer to the thief watching the spectacle from the top of a stairwell.

Hattori seemed to take offense to being passed and elbowed Hakuba Saguru in the ribs. He got a string of cusses—most of them taken from Nakamori’s repertoire, but many in English as well—before being kicked in the leg.

Kid sighed watching the two detectives fight like children mere feet away from their common goal. “Tantei-san, Tantei-han~. You’re being boring,” he whined. “You’re supposed to be chasing me.” He looked forward to Hakuba’s traps and the Osakan’s athleticism. They weren’t as fun as the chibi, but usually they were at least a bit of a challenge. They were being less productive than Nakamori at the moment, and the man in question was two stories down, unconscious, and in a chicken suit. A small grin formed on his face as he saw no reaction to the squabbling pair, now trying to rip each other’s hair out. Or eyes. It was a bit hard to tell at that angle. “Well, if you’re going to be boring, I’ll have to make it interesting. I’ll be back to let you out eventually.”

Before the detectives could blink, they were swept up in a cloud of pink smoke. There was an unsettling feeling of floating, then they were somewhere dark. And in a very awkward position.

“What the hell?” Hattori muttered, trying to move his hands to figure out where he was. There was only one problem. His hands seemed to be handcuffed around something. Something warm, solid, and that appeared to be breathing. “Hakuba?”

“If you’d stop moving,” a scathing voice said in clipped tones, “you would realize that we are cuffed together naked.”

Hattori froze. There were arms around him too, it seemed. And was that Hakuba’s hair tickling his nose? He made the disastrous decision to try to step backward only to drag Hakuba into stumbling closer. “Gah!” He froze again, afraid to move and accidentally create more awkward skin on skin contact.

“If you’d listen to me, there wouldn’t be a problem,” the British detective growled, pulling his head away from where it had rammed into Hattori’s shoulder. “Take a very tiny step backward on the count of three. One, two, three.” They moved a tiny bit apart, still connected by their hands, but at least no longer touching skin on skin in the front. “I think I’ll have to kill Kid later.”

“I’ll help ya with the body,” Heiji grumbled. “Why the hell’d he put us naked in a closet?”

“He hates being ignored. He probably is laughing himself into a coma thinking something along the lines of forcing us to work out our anger issues.”

“Bastard.”

“Indeed.”

They stood awkwardly for a few moments before Heiji shifted. “Is it just me, or do you smell sweet?”

Saguru made a face. “From the feel of it, I’ve been tarred and feathered in honey and sprinkles. You on the other hand, have chocolate all over your shoulder.”

“How’d you figure?”

“I got a face full of it when you knocked me off balance a second ago. As to myself, I can smell the honey, and my skin is starting to itch from what can’t be sand. Considering an acquaintance’s recent obsession with nonpareils, that is likely what’s on me.”

“Nonpa-what?”

“A type of sprinkle.”

“Ah.” Heiji shifted again. “So any ideas on how to get out of here?”

Hakuba racked his brain. There was one thing he could think of. He’d looked up escapology techniques after being cuffed by his own handcuffs multiple times, although he had yet to put what he had found out into practice. Sadly he didn’t have a pick of any form within reach as far as he could tell, nor anything to stuff in between the locking mechanism, or anyway to see the lock anyway. He was no Kid, that was for sure. “I could try to dislocate my thumb?” he said uncertainly.

Hattori snorted. “Sure, you try that. Ya had better have a high pain tolerance.”

Saguru ignored him, trying to position himself so he could get leverage. Of course this failed and he only ended up brushing skin with his fellow captive.

“Cut it out! Jeez, yer the last person I’d wanna be in this position with…” With their adjusting vision, a pout could just be made out on his face.

“Well we can’t currently change our position,” Hakuba ground out. Dislocating his finger seemed to be out of the picture.

“We could try to climb out of each other’s arms,” Heiji said suddenly. “Y’know, one goes down, the other steps over.”

“Fine, but you move down.”

“Fi—waitta minute. No. You go.”

“Ah, but it was your suggestion Hattori-san. You should be the one to crouch down while I step out.”

“No way am I putting my face anywhere near your junk.”

Saguru rolled his eyes. “Well I don’t particularly want a face full of your privates either. It’s bad enough being inches apart as we are.”

“Did ya have to point that out? I was ignorin that.” They glared at each other.

“Try to find a wall,” Saguru snapped suddenly. “Maybe there will be something we could use.”

They both tried to step forward, then backward in rapid succession as they realized their mistake. The resulting struggle knocked them to the ground.

This is all your fault,” Saguru huffed from where he was being slightly squashed by Heiji.

“Well I didn’t see ya acting any different. We’re both at fault Mr. Stick-up-your-ass.”

“At least I’m not a hick,” Hakuba shot back.

Heiji stiffened and tried to hit the other man, which of course was impossible and ended up chest to chest with him instead, face inches from the honey and sprinkled shoulder. He regarded it a moment, then bit it. It was a form of revenge after all. It tasted better than he wanted to admit too.

“Ouch! Are you trying to _eat_ me?” Saguru tried to squirm away, then froze for a completely different reason than he had earlier. Was that…? But no, he couldn’t. He could not be getting aroused from being sat on by a naked man. A man he hated. Oh, hell. It didn’t help that Heiji was still practically gnawing on his shoulder. “Stop!”

“I don’t wanna.” He grinned. The stuffy Brit’s icy exterior seemed to be cracking. Heiji thought he could hear panic in there as well. He shifted to get a better angle then noticed something odd. “Hakuba, are you hard?”

Saguru stared hard at the murky darkness to their left trying to ignore his growing mortification.

“You are, aren’t you? You gay?”

“No,” came the clipped response.

“Hmm. Well neither am I, but I can kinda get why you are.” He had been squirming around on top of him. You didn’t have to be a detective to realize what happened when a dick got stimulation—although since he was a detective it was kind of a moot point. Actually, now that he thought about it, Hakuba under him, breathing hard through his nose with a hard on was kind of erotic. Not his usual fantasy, or really any fantasy his mind would ever come up with, but since they were stuck there and they would likely be there for a while… He felt himself start to react.

Saguru thought he would die of embarrassment. If they had just stood still, this wouldn’t have happened. They could have stood calmly, waiting to be rescued, maybe talked things out and—oh, god, was that what he thought it was? “Hattori?” he said in a strained voice.

“Mmn?” The man in question wondered if he could get away with biting him again, just for the heck of it. And because he tasted sweet. He kind of liked honey.

“Are you actually aroused?”

“Hey, you have someone turned on beneath you and see where that goes.”

“Oh, hell no!” Through sheer force of will, Saguru forced them semi-upright only to stagger into one of the elusive walls. The motion brought Heiji’s groin grinding into his own. Twin groans echoed from throats that suddenly felt tight. He stopped the instinct to thrust against the warmth, panting. This couldn’t be happening.

“Scared?” Heiji breathed against his ear, sounding slightly out of breath. He took advantage of their position to lick Saguru’s throat.

Saguru scowled. He was NOT scared. He’d prove it. Deliberately, he rolled his hips, biting his lip at the feeling. Heiji’s head fell on his shoulder and he felt hot breath on his collar bone. “Not at all,” he shot back, sounding a bit more breathless than he would have liked.

There was a moment when he thought he heard Heiji chuckle, but he wasn’t sure. Suddenly there were lips crushing against his, less in a kiss than an attempt at dominance. He responded to the challenge in a clack of teeth and tangle of tongue, forcing the other detective’s mouth open in an attempt to force his way inside. He was distracted by another thrust of hips against his.

Their mouths tore free from each other with a wet noise and gasps. Saguru paid back the bite from earlier by nipping at the throat that was suddenly at eye level. Logically he knew he had slid slightly down the wall, but the part of his brain focused on the moment only saw the neck as an easy way to get an upper hand. He bit hard before sucking the sticky chocolate that Kid had somehow managed to get there. _Dark chocolate,_ he thought. He liked dark chocolate.

Saguru jerked forward as he felt metal and calloused fingers move along his ass. “What are you doing?” he growled.

“Go with it,” Heiji panted, forcing their bodies together as much as he could, using Saguru’s ass as a handle. The other man’s eyes narrowed. Well, if he was going to do it… He slid a hand to mirror the position. The next thrust by the Osakan pushed him hard into the wall leaving him breathless and he was reminded again that he was the one at a disadvantage. With a growl of annoyance, he pushed back, sliding a finger a place where under normal circumstances he’d never dream of touching.

Heiji didn’t know how to react when he suddenly found a finger in him. Well, besides biting the other for doing it. When the finger twisted and hit something important, he was left gasping, shaking, and not really all that angry anymore. “Nn…do that again!”

Lips pulled down his chin, up to his jaw, ear, then down his neck with just enough teeth to give an impression of danger and possessiveness. In answer to the plea, Saguru twisted his finger again while thrusting up. He was still pinned, but hell if he was going to be the submissive.

Heiji, beyond rational thinking by this point, kissed the other detective hungrily, trying to force them as close together as possible. He felt slippery with sweat, and every growl and shivery noise Saguru made went straight to his groin and raised his desperation. “`Kuba,” he grunted, knowing his edge was near.

The only answer was another movement in his ass and more teeth on his shoulder and neck and a tiny groan of hunger.

Heiji came first, brought over the edge from Hakuba’s fingers adding to the stimulation of their thrusts, and his sudden boneless state dragged Hakuba down on top of him. The blond thrust a few more times before shuddering and burying any noise he might have made in Heiji’s shoulder. After a few minutes he came down from his post coital high to feel very uncomfortable and more than a little sticky. “Well this won’t be fun to clean off,” he said I what he hoped was a calm voice.

“Relax,” Heiji grunted from where he was still curled under Hakuba. “It’s hate sex. Doesn’t count.”

Hakuba cleared his throat. “Well, now that we’re…acquainted with each other’s body, perhaps we could attempt to untangle ourselves?”

“Inna minute. How can you be moving already?”Heiji glared balefully up at him.

Saguru raised an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t you be the one with more stamina? You’re more the athlete than I am.”

“Shaddup.”

Since Heiji wasn’t moving, neither did Saguru. A few minutes later he voiced something that was bothering him. “Kid didn’t plan to leave us here indefinitely did he? I think I can only deal with one bout of hate sex in my life.”

“What no second round?”

Saguru looked at the man beneath him, hoping he was joking, but no, he was partially hard again.

“What was that you said about stamina?” Heiji prodded.

“I hate you.”

“That’s why it’s hate sex.”

When Kid finally remembered that he had left them in a closet, he opened it to find them both curled up on the ground, fast asleep. He took in the bite marks, hickeys, lack of sugary substances drizzled on their shoulders and their now untangled cuffs. Then he looked at the mess they had made of the closet. “Well, at least it looks like they made up.” He pulled out a camera, taking a few blackmail photos. He wondered if they were purposely cuddling or had ended up that way sometime after freeing each other of their embrace. He was a bit surprised they hadn’t tried to leave. Then again, he had a feeling they were too tired after the fun they had to think about leaving.

With a smirk, Kid closed the door. “That turned out well. I wonder how they’d react waking up in Nakamori’s office…” He smiled as plans formed yet again. Perhaps next heist they were at together they would be able to work together rather than try to tear each other apart. Of course, there was the possibility that they’d be distracted for completely different reasons. He shrugged and went looking for a rope, a tarp, and a whole lot of body glitter. Three people were in for a surprise tomorrow.


End file.
